Lost In Rewind (Audio Fools #3) Page 22

  “Hard To say I’m Sorry” By Peter Cetera

  Sara and Will have become an integral part of my everyday life—they’ve become my lifesavers. Sara Klein has always been my physical form of therapy and escape. But Will, however, in my mind, was always my kryptonite until he became my most trusted friend and confidante. I wouldn’t want to explain our out-of-the-box relationship to a stranger because I’d probably need to write them a book first, but here I am onboard Will’s family jet, heading to Cassis, France, to go after the girl that I think and hope is indeed somehow a part of my future. You don’t always need to have a long painful history with someone for them to earn a spot in your life. Sometimes strangers just come in and suddenly become everything all at once, and your subsistence begins to make sense. Life is a puzzle; we spend our youth collecting the pieces, and then we spend our adulthood trying to put all the pieces together to reveal the bigger picture.

  I have no idea how I plan to find Kali in Cassis, if in fact that’s where she is. But my gut is telling me to go find her and hold on to her hard with both hands. We may not have much of a past to anchor to, but we do have something in common: we shared a perfect night together and we were both lucky enough to have met Joella Gitanos.

  I sit on the plane, hardly able to contain myself at the thought of finally seeing her again. The person I was before I met her wouldn’t recognize this man who just spontaneously got on a plane to go follow a girl around the world. But ever since she entered my world, everything is different. What if she doesn’t want me? The excitement begins to dissipate as reality comes to sit in the empty seat beside me. I have a crazy past that involves two women, two children, and enough chaos to merit any level-headed person to run. Why did she hang up on me? Why didn’t I call her back? Could this all be a mistake? Mentally I try to convince myself that this is the right thing for both of us. She may not have chosen to collide with someone like me, but fate chose for her. Leave her, go home, the thought resonates in my head.

  I look down at my hands, opening my palms. I see the place where Sara’s name is tattooed on the inside of my ring finger. Do I deserve the love of another girl? I have my answer: she’s a good girl, I’m a bad guy. I’m not getting off this plane when we land. I’m going back to my kids. I had enough adventures in my almost forty years on this earth that I’ll be content just being Juliet and Jacob’s dad for the rest of my life.

  I close my eyes and will my brain not to summon the image of Kali sitting on the floor, wrapped in a floral scarf and passionately playing her violin soundlessly. If I try, I can almost hear the music, but some people like me never get to hear the harmony. I hope she finds someone good and fills his world with love that I can only dream about.

  I send a text to Will.

  -I’ve made a mistake. I shouldn’t be pursuing her. When we land I’ll make arrangement to come back home-

  He calls me back almost immediately.

  “What’s this about? You were giddy as a pig last time we spoke and now you’re running back home? You haven’t even landed yet, mate.” I can hear the disappointment in his voice, but I can’t do this to her, it just isn’t right.

  “I was thinking about it.”

  “Well, there’s your first problem, stop thinking. This has not a thing to do with what’s proper or sane, this has to do with your heart. If people used their head when it came to love we’d all be single. If your heart can’t leave her, then don’t let your head talk you out of it. Listen to your heart, Jeffery. Everybody is cheering for you. We want you to find your happiness. If this girl makes you happy, go find her, don’t wait, bloody tell her! It doesn’t need to make sense for anyone but you. This is your future. It took you your whole bloody life to find her, and now you’re running away from your destiny. I won’t allow it.”

  I listen to the man, who was once my nemesis and is now my greatest ally, give me a pep talk, and he’s right; as crazy as this seems, this woman has been a source of happiness that I never dreamed I’d find. I won’t hurt her. I just need to find her safe and sound and beg to be allowed to love her.

  “Jeffery Rossi, are you still bloody there?” I sigh, not offering any words, because I have none. “I know what you need.” Will sounds hopeful. “You need your family by your side. You require all of us to hold your bloody hand and convince you that you are no villain. You hear me, mate?”

  My eyes begin to tear and I’m thankful it’s just me on this plane ride.

  “You loved Jacqueline and took care of her for fourteen years. You loved Sara and did whatever you bloody could with the situation you were given. You love your children, and instead of being a shite arse and keeping them away from their biological mother, you allow them to spend time with her and help her heal. You saved her. She is my life, and I will make sure you find whatever piece of happiness was meant for you. You copy that?”

  I can’t actually speak with all the shit going on inside me. I just let the tears roll where they may, there’s no stopping them now.

  “Do the little monkeys have passports?” Will questions.

  “What? Of course they have passports, why?” I hear him laughing and yelling Sara’s name. What is that crazy Brit up to now?

  “Sara, do you like Monte Carlo?” he asks her and I hear her say that she loves Monte Carlo. And then he adds, “Good, now call Emily and Louis and tell them we’re going on a family holiday, immediately.”

  He gets back on the line and asks, “What’s your little buttercup’s full name, brother? Just so you’re aware, between Louis and my dad, those two can locate an amoeba, if need be. Text me her name and I’ll go tell the kids we’re going on a trip. You’re not getting lost on my watch. See you on the Cote D’Azur.”

  He hangs up without waiting for me to okay his outlandish plan, and I just sit there looking at my phone in a calm state of bewilderment as I realize that William, Sara, our kids, Emily, and Louis are about to meet me in the South of France.

  Holy shit, is this real life?

  “Hunting High and Low” by a-ha

  I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this happy. I look at the motley crew that clearly cares for me and has my back as we sail the Mediterranean waters on Louis and Emily’s yacht “La Vie en Rose” headed toward the provincial seaside commune of Cassis. I don’t let myself get too hopeful about the prospect of seeing Kali again, since nothing ever works out the way I imagine it. Right now I’m just going with the flow and allowing the hope and promise of tomorrow guide me.

  Sara hasn’t stopped smiling since we bordered this magnificent ship, while Will, Louis, and Eddie haven’t ceased plotting like pirates. Whatever happens and whether or not we find the elusive Kali, which I still don’t know her last name, the happiness I’ve already found will last me eternally.

  Louis has informed us that he may have intelligence of Kali’s whereabouts. Mr. Bruel has been able to track her down using the pictures I had saved on my phone. Louis, more so than anyone else, has been enthralled with her grandmother, Joella Gitanos, ever since he learned that she was one of the wealthiest inhabitants of Rhode Island, rivaling even the Newport royalty. He has been captivated by her anonymity and hasn’t stopped telling us all the stories he’s been able to find about her.

  All I know from my conversations with Kali is that she was born and raised somewhere in Cassis, France, and therefore, we’ve decided to make that our first stop. I plan to go visit the Château de LeBlanc vineyard that Lauren so graciously pointed out to me, hoping perhaps they may know who Kali is. My quest for a girl that left her footprints on my soul has prompted a spur of the moment reunion that never in a million years would I have seen coming. I don’t feel like the most hated man in the world by these people who’ve welcomed my kids and me with open arms and have made us feel loved. I see Sara and Will together and I’m no fool—she and I never shared what they have, and I long to one day be lucky enough to find that, too. Finally, I believe that faith has delivered Sara in the right hands. Watching
all our kids play and interact is my greatest happiness, and I hope Jacky is looking down on us and can see the smiles on her children’s faces.

  “You nervous?” I look behind me to see Sara, wrapped in a blanket, approaching.

  “Nope, not nervous. Ready.” It’s the truth.

  “Tell me, what are you thinking?” Sara comes to stand by my side, with the wind blowing her hair off her face.

  “I always trusted in what that fortuneteller told me. She waited for me at the top of those stairs because I was somehow a part of her path. Maybe she knew exactly when to tell me what she did. She could’ve spoken to me years before that, but she didn’t. This is her doing—it was her job to implant a future in my mind in which both you and Jacky were part of. I get it now. You and I were never meant to stay together, we were just meant to collide and cause an explosion in order to bring about our true destiny. We all have roles in this world, and you and I created Juliet and Jacob. That was our purpose. You and Will are clearly perfect, and perhaps, I was destined to meet Kali.” I look into the eyes that I love and realize that there are so many loves that make up a person, and each love is different, never the same love twice.

  Sara smiles and laces her arm in mine. “Liam and I got married,” she tells me.

  I look at her and open my mouth in shock. She nods her head and I swear I can see the low perched moon illuminating with happiness in her bright eyes.

  “Does everybody know?” I question with the biggest, most genuine smile plastered on my lips.

  “No, I don’t want to say anything to anyone until we get back home. We’ll have a big party and announce it officially.”

  I engulf her in a hug and kiss the top of her head.

  “Liam was going to tell you but I wanted it to be me. I hope you can be happy for us, despite our past or perhaps because of it,” she explains with caution.

  My heart beats out of my chest with happiness that feels like my own. Those two deserve every last drop of magic left in the world. I can actually feel my heart swell with pride and gratitude at having her tell me herself. I guess you never stop loving people. You just adjust your perspective and love them in different ways.

  “I’m happy for you, you know that, right?”

  She nods. “I know. I just want you to stop blaming yourself and feeling responsible for me. I’m not that fifteen-year-old girl you met on the dance floor. I’m not the eighteen-year-old you found shaking and crying in the backseat of that cab. I have made choices and you are not to be held accountable any longer. I’m lucky to have every single person on this boat shape my life—especially you and JJ. I wouldn’t be here without you guys. If this Kali girl gives you a hard time, I’ll beat some sense into her.” She makes a fist and winks. “I have no doubt that if you care about her to come this far, she must be special. Now, tell me your plan, because if you listen to Louis, my brother, or especially Liam, you may be charged with kidnapping.”

  We both laugh at her accurate assessment of “Operation Find Kali.”

  “I’m the lucky one. What would I do without you?” The thought of a world devoid of Sara squeezes my insides.

  “You’ll never have to find out.”

  She gives me a tight hug before leaving me standing by myself on a dark deck to watch the waves bring me closer to the girl I can’t stop hallucinating about. I feel invincible with this bunch adamant on me finding the woman I’ve somehow convinced my heart should be mine, the old gypsy’s alluring granddaughter, of all people. I think, in a way, each and every one on this boat has found their other half and they want me to have what they have. I had that once with Jacqueline but it was tainted by constant fear, pain, and our lies. I hope I get another chance at happiness—a chance to do it right.

  I continue to stand on deck and inhale the crisp night air, allowing the Mediterranean Sea to remind me of Kali and her sweet scent. I take out my phone and find her picture. Her features have become incredibly comforting and more familiar than my own. I sometimes think I’d probably be able to find her based on touch alone.

  Lauren gave me back the key I’d left that night for Kali under her pillow all those months ago. I’ve carried it around with me at all times until we meet again and she becomes my talisman.

  Tomorrow morning I will be in Cassis, her Cassis, onboard the fucking Love Boat. Tomorrow can’t come soon enough.

  I wake up to Juliet and Jacob both jumping on my bed like the little monkeys they are. They’re excited that the boat has stopped, screaming and shouting for me to look out the window. I grab them in each hand and lift them in my arms to go look outside. The picturesque scenery sooths me as dozens upon dozens of little fishing boats all around us dance on the crystal blue waters. I gasp at the proximity of the hills and the cascading buildings surrounding the harbor; it all looks painted, surreal. I put my kids down and walk out on the balcony to inhale the fruity aroma in the air. It’s as if she’s standing right there. It’s early, but the city up ahead in the distance seems alive with movement, making my heart drum with purpose once again.

  The kids run off to play with their friends—they’re all calling each other cousins, which the women find adorable. Emily and Sara have already married Jacob off to Rose and Juliet to Eric, which is quite amusing but a bit premature. I stand stone-like, not fully trusting where I am, who I’m with, and who I’m here to find. Perhaps this is just a dream, a beautiful dream.

  I turn when I hear a knock on my door and see Will pop his head inside my cabin.

  He looks worried, as if he hasn’t slept all night—a bit jitterier than his usually calm, carefree self. “You’re okay? You look seasick.” I’m hoping Sara is feeling fine, I don’t want her or anyone else to suffer while on this boat because of me.

  He shakes his head and tries to avoid looking me straight on. “Bad news, mate, I don’t think she’s here,” he announces stoically. “My dad rang earlier and a reputable source of his confirmed that there’s a good probability we won’t find her … I mean here—we won’t find her here. I’m sorry,” he adds with panicked red-rimmed eyes that divulge him probably keeping something away from me.

  And the bad news begins. I sigh and roll my eyes. Did I really expect this to be a smooth sailing kind of trip?

  “Don’t be cross, we’ll still spend the day here and then continue sailing,” he declares with a hint of defeat. In an attempt to keep the morale up he then offers, “The kids are having a blast, this holiday was exactly what we all needed.”

  I nod, yeah, no big deal, just a minor setback. “Sounds good. Can you and Sara handle Juliet and Jacob today? I’d like to go into town on my own and visit a local vineyard, maybe find someone who knows her.” I can’t let this curveball discourage me.

  “Sure thing. Take your time. We’ll go walk around the village and see what Cassis has to offer. Maybe we’ll take the kids fishing or to the beach.” I can tell he’s trying hard to sound excited.

  I thank Will and begin my day getting better acquainted with Kali’s hometown. I recall her telling me she hated the sea, which must’ve been hard for her growing up around here, since everything seems to be centered around water.

  The Bruels’ massive yacht is anchored ten minutes’ boat ride away from the harbor of Cassis. I disembark the yacht into a small boat waiting to taxi me to Port Miou. The long-winding port is encompassed with white limestone cliffs that are overgrown with emerald-colored pine trees and the clear turquoise waters glisten around me like glass. I can’t get over how breathtaking this town is.

  I thank my skipper as I’m immediately greeted at the port by my driver for the day. Louis has arranged for him to bring me to the address I was able to find printed on the wine bottle Lauren so graciously gifted me. I look around as we drive through town, leaving the sea and climbing the hills inland. Everything that meets my eyes is vivid and alive with this town’s infamous black currents sold and depicted everywhere.

  I’m peacefully withdrawn when I realize the driver stopped the vehi
cle, bringing us to the gates of what looks to be a grand estate. I slowly get out of the car and soak in the indescribable landscape. If I’d grown up here, I’d never leave.

  White limestone amphitheater cliffs surround the vineyard in front of me, which leads my eyes right down to the clear azure waters of the bay below. The name ‘Château Kali de LeBlanc’ is beautifully written on one of the stone pillars, which hold the slightly ajar wrought iron gates, lined on both sides with olive trees.

  My eyes are transfixed on her name printed on stone confirming her existence. This is where Kali is from. Lauren didn’t just direct me to some vineyard in Cassis; she led me right to the place Kali was born. I have no doubt that this is the place where she grew up and spent her whole life until she moved to Providence, Rhode Island five years ago when she decided to go live and get to know Joella Gitanos. The knowledge that I’m standing at the gates of her home, the place where she was raised, affects me in an indescribable way. I feel as if I belong here.

  I touch her name on the metal plaque, pretending for a minute it’s her my fingers are caressing. I push open the gates and walk down a pebbled road leading to a white Mediterranean style estate. An older man stands at the door with his hands in his pockets, assessing me as I approach.

  “Bonjour,” I offer in my best French accent.

  “Hello,” he answers.

  “Do you speak English?” I’m hoping he does because my French sucks.

  “I speak English, not worse than you speak French,” he retorts with a slight French accent.

  I smile and nod. Just as I’m about to come closer and properly introduce myself, he raises his hand in the air for me to halt.

  “This is not one of the tasting vineyards open to tourists, and I’m afraid I won’t sell you any of our wine, so please don’t misuse your time.” His words clearly tell me to leave.